I drive every summer morning..with the cool morning breeze brushing
against my neck and cheeks...and am just thinking about thousands of thoughts.
Heading to my favorite place to be...summer camp!!! There are soooo
many reasons why I love working at this camp. One, of course, is the drive to the north shore of long island. As I get closer to my destination, I take a deep breathe as I turn down one road I will never let go of...the road where horses live. The trees begin to unravel the sun's morning light and the farm fences are protecting the horses as they eat their daily breakfast. I can't just stop in the middle of the road, which is what I wish I could do...freeze in one place..just to take so many pictures of the what I see. It's like a dream of all dreams. I see two horses gathered and enjoying ones' company. To my right, more horses also enjoying the morning brunch. Brown, black, and white, silky, strong, and fierce horses. Then, as I continue on my path, I see Monet's lily pond with a small white gazebo standing still in the reflection of the pond. Behind all this beauty is another: a Spaniard looking house. If I could describe this house, it would be in too much detail. It's like the home I've always wished for. Just enough horses with a touch of beauty right in front of my home.
Second reason...the children. I work with five year olds and I enjoy just being with them. I had a fever and got stuck with this cold this past weekend. I told myself if I go tomorrow, I will be distracted by the children's laughs and fights as well as their interesting conversations/imaginations. Of course, I play along with the one boy who tries to trick me with the statement: "I'm from Jupiter...I'm an alien." And he just loves the fact that I keep asking more and more questions. Boy, did he know how to answer them.
These are just a few of the reasons...but now to the point..
When I finally arrived and met with the children, I started thinking about the last days.
"What if this was the last day of my life?"
"What if I didn't hear the sound of the trumpets calling the believers? I am a believer...so I will hear it..right Father?"
"Will these children rise up because of their innocence? Will it be just like the movie 'Left Behind?' "
I couldn't stop thinking about this for a good few minutes and starting thinking about how I need to make sure I continue to live my life as if it were my last...to live for Him in every way possible! To witness to those who don't know HIM yet through my actions and words. Am I doing okay with that now? I don't want to second guess...but I want to keep knowing that I am.
God is faithful and I am sooo thankful for the love He continues to show me and my family daily!
Are you ready for the sound of the trumpet? If not..find the time...no...know HIM NOW!! You can only know Him through Jesus!
John 17:21: That they all may be
one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be
one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Fifteenth of April 2012
In bed and thinking about the new season of tomorrow. Worry tries to push thru my thoughts but I keep reminding myself that God is with me! Don't be afraid! I love working with challenge and I do believe that the impossible can become possible! I really want just a productive and strong week. I know I can get tired but I pray for your grace Father!
Friday, April 13, 2012
Thirteenth of April 2012
Thirteenth of April 2012
Happy Birthday to my lovely sister! What memories we have together. Here are some that I can never forget:
Worse Memory
My little sister fell down the stairs from those crazy walkers, BUT only a cut lip...with necessary stitches! She was only a tiny baby!! Wow..God really has a plan for her and made sure that it wasn't her time to go. I remember before this moment, I was a bit jealous of her receiving more attention than me. I was the camera hog. I loved to talk everyone ears off even if they were pretending to listen. However, from this point forward, I told myself that I would never let anything happen to her again. I, of course was around 8 years old and didn't know what I was talking about. I am incapable of protecting my sister from harm, hurt, pain, and suffering. It is inevitable. However, I know that prayer is something that was useful as well as good advice. Therefore, I made sure to use both for my sister's future endeavors. Thankfully, God listened and He is very faithful!
Funny Memory
I would babysit my sister when she was around five or six years old. I was such a romantic (loved nature, romance, and fantasy). I pretended that I was from Britain and from the 1800s (basically Jane Austen's biggest fan!!) Around morning time, I made breakfast for my little princesita, but I acted as if she was the most famous person alive. I was the poor little waiter who waited by the kitchen door for her. She would knock on my imaginary restaurant door and I would welcome her with my hilarious British accent. Well, to her it was hilarious and to me it was the best accent ever. For others..not so much. I even believed that I was really adopted from British relatives. Yes...I was such a romantic. Back to my memory..I created my own menu and asked what my "famous" person wanted for breakfast. There were even times where I would secretly take out my mother's precious tea cups and I would host this lovely, grand tea party for our "guest."
Today's Revelation
My sister said something to me today made me think about what makes our birthdays or our days in general. Are we supposed to wait, wait, wait for people to please us and make us happy? Like I said in my first blog, we really cannot depend on people to make us happy. Of course, there are those who are gifted with bringing laughter and giggles. However, it shouldn't be something that we expect from people. We have the power to make our days go well...not, literally, everything around us. We cannot control the things around us, but we do thankfully have control of how we will respond to the things around us. I have been raised as a thermometer: easily moved by anything and everything...ultimately making me a super-sensitive person... Well...not ultimately..because it is in my make-up that I am sensitive. However, I did not learn that I don't have to be a thermometer. I can be a thermostat: when everything around me is as a roller coaster ride, I can choose to stay on, or get off... or I can even embrace the moment or abhor it. Or I can control ME during the HOT and COLD moments of my life and choose to just BE HAPPY! This isn't easy as it hopefully sounds.. When there are those seasons when everything seems to be going wrong I can decide how I will respond. My emotions can dictate: "oh, what a horrible life I have...woe is me." OR I can think about how I'm still living and how I have so much (family, fiance, friends, a job, a car, some money, two degrees). And in those moments I can turn to God and say.. thanks for what you've given me..no matter what! And the last thing I can do is just trust in Him... Because faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see....so when all things are going wrong...I can believe that God is still with me. Worry really won't help, so why bother!!
It's funny...because my faith is really growing more and more..especially in those harsh seasons. So..trust and faith is really a big part of this walk....no matter what!
다음 시간까지
Happy Birthday to my lovely sister! What memories we have together. Here are some that I can never forget:
Worse Memory
My little sister fell down the stairs from those crazy walkers, BUT only a cut lip...with necessary stitches! She was only a tiny baby!! Wow..God really has a plan for her and made sure that it wasn't her time to go. I remember before this moment, I was a bit jealous of her receiving more attention than me. I was the camera hog. I loved to talk everyone ears off even if they were pretending to listen. However, from this point forward, I told myself that I would never let anything happen to her again. I, of course was around 8 years old and didn't know what I was talking about. I am incapable of protecting my sister from harm, hurt, pain, and suffering. It is inevitable. However, I know that prayer is something that was useful as well as good advice. Therefore, I made sure to use both for my sister's future endeavors. Thankfully, God listened and He is very faithful!
Funny Memory
I would babysit my sister when she was around five or six years old. I was such a romantic (loved nature, romance, and fantasy). I pretended that I was from Britain and from the 1800s (basically Jane Austen's biggest fan!!) Around morning time, I made breakfast for my little princesita, but I acted as if she was the most famous person alive. I was the poor little waiter who waited by the kitchen door for her. She would knock on my imaginary restaurant door and I would welcome her with my hilarious British accent. Well, to her it was hilarious and to me it was the best accent ever. For others..not so much. I even believed that I was really adopted from British relatives. Yes...I was such a romantic. Back to my memory..I created my own menu and asked what my "famous" person wanted for breakfast. There were even times where I would secretly take out my mother's precious tea cups and I would host this lovely, grand tea party for our "guest."
Today's Revelation
My sister said something to me today made me think about what makes our birthdays or our days in general. Are we supposed to wait, wait, wait for people to please us and make us happy? Like I said in my first blog, we really cannot depend on people to make us happy. Of course, there are those who are gifted with bringing laughter and giggles. However, it shouldn't be something that we expect from people. We have the power to make our days go well...not, literally, everything around us. We cannot control the things around us, but we do thankfully have control of how we will respond to the things around us. I have been raised as a thermometer: easily moved by anything and everything...ultimately making me a super-sensitive person... Well...not ultimately..because it is in my make-up that I am sensitive. However, I did not learn that I don't have to be a thermometer. I can be a thermostat: when everything around me is as a roller coaster ride, I can choose to stay on, or get off... or I can even embrace the moment or abhor it. Or I can control ME during the HOT and COLD moments of my life and choose to just BE HAPPY! This isn't easy as it hopefully sounds.. When there are those seasons when everything seems to be going wrong I can decide how I will respond. My emotions can dictate: "oh, what a horrible life I have...woe is me." OR I can think about how I'm still living and how I have so much (family, fiance, friends, a job, a car, some money, two degrees). And in those moments I can turn to God and say.. thanks for what you've given me..no matter what! And the last thing I can do is just trust in Him... Because faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see....so when all things are going wrong...I can believe that God is still with me. Worry really won't help, so why bother!!
It's funny...because my faith is really growing more and more..especially in those harsh seasons. So..trust and faith is really a big part of this walk....no matter what!
다음 시간까지
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Twelfth of April 2012
The twelfth of April 2012
Today, I begin my adventure: writing this first blog! I'm starting a fresh start today. Usually everyone believes that the fresh start begins on the first day of every new year. However, I am taking a stand and I'm making it today! Why not?
I have been very sad lately. I think the fears of what is to come and what I haven't done has been gripping my heart. I feel the tightness in my throat and the palpitations of my heart feverishly thumping against my chest. I have not been able to sleep and for me that's odd. I am able to knock out on my brand new bed and I usually can fall asleep as if nothing happened during that day. However, I am taking the stresses of my job and at home with me in my sleep. Today, I refuse to allow this to continue and the best way to make myself sleep again is to let go of the pain, stress, and the fears. I can let go by writing. This is the purpose of my blog as well as my journey with God and those who decide to come for the ride.
What are my fears? Well below is my list:
1. not being in a strong relationship with God
2. hurting God and others
3. hurting myself by not taking care of myself
4. failing as a sister, daughter, cousin, fiancee
5. failing as a teacher
6. darkness
7. being hurt by the people I love
8. being criticized
9. everyone seeing my weakness
10. not living
How can I change this? Well below is my list:
1. make it important to communicate with God daily!
2. don't worry-just live knowing my heart is after God's heart!
3. don't worry-take care of yourself day by day (one day at a time)
4. i'm not perfect, so I can't expect to live perfectly-don't worry-just live! No one has to agree with the decisions I make. They must accept me for who I am and not worry about pleasing them!
5. again, not perfect...I am always trying as a teacher to be effective and organized. It will take time-I just have to accept that!
6. God is with me, whom shall I be afraid of? He is with me! I have to choose to trust in Him!
7. No one is perfect! The world will fail us, but God will never fail us! I can't put my whole trust in people who aren't perfect! I just have to believe and hope for the best. If something wrong happens, I will survive. It is not the end of the world!
8. Well...no one will agree with every choice I make: fiance, religion, job, bed, school, friends I have or don't have, lifestyle, car, way I teach, way I speak, way I laugh, way I dress, way I do my hair. It's okay..because I am me-either take it or leave it! I will survive! Oh, and God accepts me for me! That's all I need!
9. No one really can see ALL my weakness. Of course, they will see my imperfections and my weaknesses. However, I am working on myself daily with the help of God's grace and Holy Spirit. Ultimately, they don't have a right to judge, but I can consider their constructive criticisms as advice for me to grow into a stronger person! I ultimately decide!
10. I want to learn how to ride horses, play the piano, act in plays, learn how to break dance, teach children how to dance, create a center for children, travel to Italy, Greece, England, Japan, Ireland, Ecuador, Canada, and Alaska. I love cultures and want to learn everything! I want to learn how to speak Korean. I want to be better at setting up outings with friends in advanced..not very good at it. I guess because I am very spontaneous and last-minute. That's how I work best...sometimes. I have become a teacher, learned salsa, ballroom dancing, the saxophone, played soccer, softball, volleyball, tennis, table tennis, and basketball. I have tutored and initiated clubs at my schools, so I have lived and I can still do the things I always wanted to do. It's just going to be one step at a time! If I fulfill even just one or two, that's okay...but I really want to fulfill them all!
In the end, my fears all come down to me...what am I going to do about them. I am going to live by faith, hope and love! If I continue to live in this paralyzing demeanor, I won't be able to enjoy the life God gave me. Today, I am deciding to live! This is one step I am taking to move forward.
만납시다
Today, I begin my adventure: writing this first blog! I'm starting a fresh start today. Usually everyone believes that the fresh start begins on the first day of every new year. However, I am taking a stand and I'm making it today! Why not?
I have been very sad lately. I think the fears of what is to come and what I haven't done has been gripping my heart. I feel the tightness in my throat and the palpitations of my heart feverishly thumping against my chest. I have not been able to sleep and for me that's odd. I am able to knock out on my brand new bed and I usually can fall asleep as if nothing happened during that day. However, I am taking the stresses of my job and at home with me in my sleep. Today, I refuse to allow this to continue and the best way to make myself sleep again is to let go of the pain, stress, and the fears. I can let go by writing. This is the purpose of my blog as well as my journey with God and those who decide to come for the ride.
What are my fears? Well below is my list:
1. not being in a strong relationship with God
2. hurting God and others
3. hurting myself by not taking care of myself
4. failing as a sister, daughter, cousin, fiancee
5. failing as a teacher
6. darkness
7. being hurt by the people I love
8. being criticized
9. everyone seeing my weakness
10. not living
How can I change this? Well below is my list:
1. make it important to communicate with God daily!
2. don't worry-just live knowing my heart is after God's heart!
3. don't worry-take care of yourself day by day (one day at a time)
4. i'm not perfect, so I can't expect to live perfectly-don't worry-just live! No one has to agree with the decisions I make. They must accept me for who I am and not worry about pleasing them!
5. again, not perfect...I am always trying as a teacher to be effective and organized. It will take time-I just have to accept that!
6. God is with me, whom shall I be afraid of? He is with me! I have to choose to trust in Him!
7. No one is perfect! The world will fail us, but God will never fail us! I can't put my whole trust in people who aren't perfect! I just have to believe and hope for the best. If something wrong happens, I will survive. It is not the end of the world!
8. Well...no one will agree with every choice I make: fiance, religion, job, bed, school, friends I have or don't have, lifestyle, car, way I teach, way I speak, way I laugh, way I dress, way I do my hair. It's okay..because I am me-either take it or leave it! I will survive! Oh, and God accepts me for me! That's all I need!
9. No one really can see ALL my weakness. Of course, they will see my imperfections and my weaknesses. However, I am working on myself daily with the help of God's grace and Holy Spirit. Ultimately, they don't have a right to judge, but I can consider their constructive criticisms as advice for me to grow into a stronger person! I ultimately decide!
10. I want to learn how to ride horses, play the piano, act in plays, learn how to break dance, teach children how to dance, create a center for children, travel to Italy, Greece, England, Japan, Ireland, Ecuador, Canada, and Alaska. I love cultures and want to learn everything! I want to learn how to speak Korean. I want to be better at setting up outings with friends in advanced..not very good at it. I guess because I am very spontaneous and last-minute. That's how I work best...sometimes. I have become a teacher, learned salsa, ballroom dancing, the saxophone, played soccer, softball, volleyball, tennis, table tennis, and basketball. I have tutored and initiated clubs at my schools, so I have lived and I can still do the things I always wanted to do. It's just going to be one step at a time! If I fulfill even just one or two, that's okay...but I really want to fulfill them all!
In the end, my fears all come down to me...what am I going to do about them. I am going to live by faith, hope and love! If I continue to live in this paralyzing demeanor, I won't be able to enjoy the life God gave me. Today, I am deciding to live! This is one step I am taking to move forward.
만납시다
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)